I’m Not Convicted Enough

Going to be honest with you here: right now, I’m convicted by sin in my life. But it’s not enough conviction.

Do we ever really see ourselves as we truly are? Are we ever honest enough with ourselves that we’re willing to admit just how jacked up we are? We spend so much time trying to show others that we are good people, that we know what we’re doing. This is super evident in the Christian church.

I look at myself in this very moment, deep in conviction, and think, “Do I really realize how bad this is? Do I really realize how much my sin will affect me? My family, current and future? My friendships? My ministry?” I don’t think I know it enough. I don’t think I have a grasp on the consequences of sin that I should.

Right now, reading through Jeremiah, I’m getting a good picture of the consequences of generational sin that come from ignoring and disobeying the God of all creation, the one who literally created everything. Yet the people didn’t seem to get it. Jeremiah was straight up telling them, “Hey, you guys, you’re going to be judged severely because of your disobedience. You can turn to God and avoid this judgement, or you can just keep going and face it.”

uturn-e12694741572891So often, I’m like one of those Israelites who just shrugs their shoulders and is like, “Eh, doesn’t matter.” I think the consequences of our sin are immensely more than we will ever realize at the time. But we’d rather think about others’ sin before we really face what’s wrong in us.

This is a really difficult thing to do for me, especially because I’m learning so much about grace in my life right now. I’m learning, really deeply for the first time, the depths of God’s love for me and what it means. I spent so much time in the last few years criticizing and judging myself for my sin, and that was not the right approach. So I’ve been refreshing myself on the greatness of God’s grace, and it’s been AMAZING! So awesome.

But the point of God’s grace is to bring us to repentance for our sins, the ones we committed before we came to Christ and the ones we commit while we’re one of Christ’s. Paul questions the Romans: “Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?” (Romans 2:4).

God will never run out of kindness and forbearance and patience with us, but it’s all meant to lead us to repentance, to turning the other way, to changing how we live and behave. If I’m not taking that U-turn, something is desperately wrong with me. And I admit, that’s where I’m struggling right now. 

“If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness,” Paul said in 2 Corinthians 11:30. I boast in God, who shows me my weakness and shows me that He is the answer to my weakness. I hope this is my boast forevermore, nothing else, no one else.

My help comes from Him. He’s right here pulling me through. He carries my weakness, my sickness, my brokenness all on His shoulders.

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