The Christian Bachelor: Episode 1 – Meet the Cast

Note 1: This is the first episode of eight in a new series of blog posts outlining the details of the fictional television show The Christian Bachelor. Hope you enjoy!

Note 2: This is in no way meant to be entirely serious. None of the characters involved completely represent real-life people. Of course, I take bits and pieces from real-life people I know, because that’s all literature. But these stereotypes are in no way meant to be derisive of those people. This is entirely for humorous purposes. Also, the “bachelor” has characteristics very much like me, mainly because it’s easier for me to write from that perspective.

Welcome everybody to the first season of The Christian Bachelor! It’s the unique reality dating show where a God-fearing young man, Caleb Christian, will have 12 young Christian women vying for his affections.

Before we meet the women, let’s lay the scene. The women will be staying in a couple nice, two-story houses and share meals, worship services and conversations with Caleb Christian in the area surrounding Sanford, North Carolina. There will also be a trip to Israel later in the show.

So let’s meet the bachelorettes:

Hayley Home-schooled: Hayley has spent her whole life being taught by her mother. She’s wholesome, sweet and comfortable over any kind of art, craft, food, etc.

Savannah Single-Mom: Savannah has a kid from a previous relationship that pre-dated her following Christ. She’s a great mother who loves the role and is looking for someone to help raise her two-year-old daughter.

Monica Missionary: Monica desires to spend her whole life on the mission field preaching the Gospel to those who don’t know. She’s looking for someone to do that with her.

Rebecca Reformed-Theology: Rebecca is all about the John Pipers and the Jonathan Edwardses, and she knows the five points of Calvinism forward and backward.

Maggie Musician: Maggie has been a part of every praise team and worship band she could have. She’s got a great singing voice and can play guitar and piano.

Anna Academic: Anna has been an A-plus student for her entire life. She desires to be an academic who writes books for a living.

Betsy Belle: Betsy is a Southern girl who is proper, with great vocabulary and proper grammar. She dresses well and can cook quite wonderfully.

Hayden Hipster: Hayden is up on all the Christian music that you’ll be listening to in two years. She knew who All Sons & Daughters were before they did.

Carrie Children’s Ministry: Carrie loves kids. She wants three of her own. Or four. Or five. But she’s willing to talk about it.

Lilly Loose-Theology: Lilly isn’t necessarily the strongest on her theological understanding. But she’s really fun to hang out with and isn’t afraid to tell a dirty joke.

Sonya Sporty: Sonya was a three-sport athlete in high school and got a basketball scholarship to college. She’s a Crossfit junkie who drinks protein shakes and goes on runs daily.

Kimmy Kitchen-Dweller: Kimmy cooks and bakes all the time. She gives food away freely and loves to try new recipes all the time.

These 12 women – Hayley, Savannah, Monica, Rebecca, Maggie, Anna, Betsy, Hayden, Carrie, Lilly, Sonya and Kimmy – will be competing, er, being themselves for the affections of Caleb Christian.

Let’s go over the format. There are six dates planned over a period of five weeks, and Caleb will also spend time in the houses with the women as well as go to church every Sunday morning and night and Wednesday night during those three weeks to help determine who will be the blessed woman he will pursue.

Two women will be eliminated after dates 1-5, which leaves two women for the final date, a trip to Israel to walk around the Holy Land, walk where Jesus walked. All the dates will be in public. No bachelorette will be given alone time in a room with Caleb. Caleb must leave the Bachelorette residence by 10 p.m. during the week, 11 p.m. on the weekends.

Any more rules? Nope? Really? OK! It’s time to have the first set of dates.

NEXT EPISODE on THE CHRISTIAN BACHELOR: The girls don’t waste anytime getting serious with Caleb. Serious questions are asked. Serious answers are given. Tune in on Monday for the next episode of THE CHRISTIAN BACHELOR.

Who’s your favorite bachelorette? Who will win Caleb’s heart? Which bachelorette do you most want to slap? Feel free to comment below with your thoughts! 

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