WARNING: This post is probably PG-13 on a rating scale for discussion about sex. So if you’re squeamish, you might want to skip this one. And, unfortunately, there’s no discussion of (500) Days of Summer, although it is one of my favorite movies of all-time.
I’ve recently started writing more about sex on this blog. I think it’s something that is a taboo subject in a lot of Christian circles, something we’re afraid to discuss, something that’s uncomfortable and awkward, something that needs to stay behind closed doors.
And while sex itself is a private occasion designed for a husband and wife, discussing it in public shouldn’t be so awkward to do. Sex is a human act just like eating, drinking, sleeping, etc. The only difference is that sex was designed for a specific circumstance in life, marriage between a man and a woman. Eating, drinking, sleeping, etc., has no such limits.
And because those limits are there, we assign limits to discussing it. I understand the need for some of those limits – I’m not going to try to have a conversation with my kids about it in the future when they’re 4. I’ll wait until I feel like they’re mature enough to handle a conversation about it, and then I’ll be open about it and have a real conversation.
One of the things that I’ll tell my son or daughter, whichever one I have, is that having sexual desire doesn’t make you a pervert or sexually deviant. It makes you human.
Because sex is something that’s so off-limits for single people, we get in this weird state where even thinking about sex can feel bad.
Here’s what I mean: I’ll be going along in my day, and a thought about sex comes up. Then I’ll kick myself because I shouldn’t be thinking about sex. Right? Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be?
Dwelling on sexual thoughts with someone other than your wife – this includes your boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancé, fiancée – is sinful. It’s pursuing sexual pleasure in a means other than your wife. It can easily become something lustful, and that’s not good. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says,
Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.
The “body” in this instance includes your brain, includes your mind. So the call in this verse includes this question: Are you glorifying God in your mind? By spending significant time thinking about sexual thoughts, imagining things, etc., you’re sinning. You’re not glorifying God.
However, what about the split second thought you have about desiring sex, that urge to find pleasure in a sexual way? Well, that’s just human.
It’s human to want sex. If God truly created all things, as we believe, He created human beings with parts and drives to have sexual intercourse with our spouses, with the one we’ve dedicated our lives to in marriage. We see it in Genesis 4:1 –
Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain, saying “I have gotten a man with the help of the LORD.”
God is involved in our sex lives. He created us with a desire for it to build intimacy between man and wife, for pleasure and for procreation.
So desiring that doesn’t make you weird or perverted. It simply makes you human. So please don’t beat yourself up or think you’re weird just because you want to have sex with your husband or wife some day.
If your thought process goes beyond that and you start imagining it, then there’s a need to slow down, to clear your mind. We want to pursue purity in how we think about sex.
Purity doesn’t equal never having a thought about sex. It means thinking about sex properly in the proper context.
And that’s the war we wage.